Judgement Day

No need to shout, said Sheba, We can all hear you. Judgement Day was a Wednesday.

The jury, handpicked from the reigning women’s netball team, had retired and were living in a small cottage in the country.

The day arrived all spick and span, when a judgement must be made. The evidence had been compiled in a pile, upon the labelled pans of the scales of justice, which were being supported by two small chairs, which had been borrowed for the purpose.

The jury, having been summoned from their rural estate, filed into the jury place, and, in the public galleries, a hum of excitement was sitting next to the thrill of the chase, which could not sit still.

The court clerk, who was a wig wearing a woman, supporting immense black wings, clapped her hands and told everyone to calm down and shut up. Then she said, All rise, and the entire room went up a notch.

Sheba, still carrying the instruction manual of the Scales of Justice, followed the Blue Knight, in full armour, which had been polished overnight by the express armour polishing service of the Inn at which they were staying at. Just leave it outside your door.

They sat at a bench at the top of the room which was covered in gavels, bells and whistles of every, papers shuffled.

An expectant silence descended and lay on the floor. Sheba opened the manual and read out in a clear voice.

Once all the hard evidence has been examined and collated, place the pieces into the appropriate pan, taking care to stack them in such a way that the other previously placed items are not dislodged.

Done, said the BK

Several examples of stacking designs are given in the fold out diagram section of the manual, said Sheba looking up at the audience, We, and here she indicated the Blue Knight and herself, Have decided to go with the Jenga stacking option, as neither of us has any experience in the Dry Stone Wall department.

And dusted, said the BK. Sheba gave him a look.

As you all can see, she continued, and here she waved the manual at the scales, We have prestacked the evidence during the trial, as each piece became evident. The scales, at the moment, are supported on the two handy chairs, so as not to ‘Stress the Apparatus’, as it recommends in the instructions.

I think, she continued, turning to the Blue Knight, That we are ready to discover the judgement of the scales and make our verdict. If you would be so kind Mrs Clerk, would you do the honours.

A moment of pause please, said the Blue knight, It occurs that in space these scales would not function. Is there no justice in space?

Can we discuss this excellent point later? Said Sheba, then to the court clerk, Please proceed.

The court official pulled out the chair from under the pan marked For (Innocent) which, incidentally, was empty. She then tried to do the same for the pan marked Against (Guilcup), but the chair would not move. The evidence, stacked in the manner of Jenga, was at least two meters tall and obviously too heavy for a single person to move. Members of the Jury and all of rabbit’s friends and relations formed a chain and all pulled together.

Pull it out, came a voice from the gallery, let the weight of evidence be made plain.

A murmur of assent passed through the room and went out the window.

With an squealing of rending chair material, the pan marked Guilty was released.

The pans wobbled a bit and then rested equal, even though one was stacked and the other empty.

A gasp issued from the crowded galleries and Sheba, banging a gavel on the bench, brought the court to order.

Sheba and the BK stood up and peered over their bench and there under the pan, sticky label against, stood the accused, straining with all his might to hold up the pan and huge stack of evidence. He was being strained beyond his strength and there he was.

The accused, and here Sheba pointed directly at the accused, Is accused of starting a war without any knowledge of what he was doing and proceeding to lay waste in a barbaric fashion.

The strength of the accused gave out and the pan that he was supporting crashed.

The Scales of Justice have been loaded with the evidence for and against and the verdict has been decided, continued Sheba, the Scales of Justice declare this tyrant guilty. Gasps all round, smattering of applause.

 I would like to thank the women’s netball team for their help in this matter.

We will discuss the sentence over tea and return later with a decision. Bring the accused below, take away his golf clubs and bind him with the Thread. Then send him far, far away, where he can do no more damage.