An Act Of Coincidence

On Wednesday the Insurance Agent came again, taking her earthly form. She arrived, having lived in the Blue for a month, telephoning ahead to announce her arrival by cab, out of the Blue. With a plastic stylus and tablet she examined all the fallen bricks, shards of window and splintered wooden bits. Measuring with a laser level and weighing the odds. Scattering the pigeons with her tape measure.

So, you would have me believe that this was all a Coincidence? She gestured at the pile of rubble. You say that your house fell down the same day that you held a thunder and lightning party, but the two events were not causally connected. Unleashing a hurricane in the neighbourhood, without consulting your neighbours, is highly irresponsible, said the Insurance Agent. I’m afraid our company, Neverpay Insurance, will not be shelling out in this case. If your horse had fallen down the day before, well, we still wouldn’t pay, as that would be a Tuesday and I think you’ll find that Tuesdays are a ‘No Pay Exemption’ day, as unclearly stated on page 359, in the tiny letters of the terms and conditions tome.

Would you pay out if a rock of gold fell out of the sky onto my racehorse? Or a meteor swallowed my car?

Of course, those events would satisfy the Miracles and Impossible events clause, but the conditions for this have not been satisfied since the day that a dog ate my homework, said the Agent confidently.

Can you supply some other exemplars of Coincidences that might occur that would satisfy?

Well, yes, as it happens, I could. I once had a cat, every time it passed my teacup there transpired a terrible crashing, but I never once saw the cat come in contact, ergo, Coincidence, said the double Agent, Therefore, and as a consequence, I applied for monetary compensation and was satisfied to the merry tune of one hundred paper things and a coin.

Coincidence 6 again, A bird flew into an orange tree and never came out and the bush flew away. A supernatural event by any measure I think you’ll find.

The Customer, digging deep into her pockets stash, rebuilt the house and incorporated several anti-storm warnings so as to survive the next surge. Luckily the whole was fashioned in a novel mix of concrete, steel, parchment, folding screens, roll down shutters, monsoon drains, marsh pilings and a pretty slate roof to top it off. Self-leveling washing machines and triple glazed drinking glasses were provided for the safety of guest visits.

The Agent returned to the Blue feeling satisfied that no money had been released. But in the back of her mind, in small plastic container with a blue top, a niggling doubt had been set running, like a scared rabbit. Was she or was she not on the side of the angels? Whose side were the angels on anyway? Who are these Angels? Were the angels insured? Surely the Angels were often in reasonably close contact with some deity or other. Is it fair to insure someone or something that knows what is going to happen next?

She resigned her post at NeverPay and became a risk assessment consultant to the angels. The angels came to her with insider knowledge of future events, she then bet on the hedge fund market, making several fortunes and she repaid the angels in cost effective floating white clothing and fake, gold coloured harps with loose strings, which looked good but didn’t work. She had these made in the sweat shops of countries with a lower GDP than a grasshopper’s knees.

Still, and yet she was troubled in spirit, exploiting the trans temporal nature of the higher powers seemed somehow like cheating.

The horse never won another race, merely the idea of being hit by a block of gold was enough to ruin her training programme. The Disaffected Agent and the Not Racing Horse went travelling together in the low hills of an impressive mountain range.