Don’t touch it darling you’ll burn your fingers. The Spear moaned. Are you alright? I’m not well at all, all my parameters are in disarray. Can we be of assistance or should we call for an ambulance.
What is an ambulance? It sounds like something to do with walking and I don’t have any legs. Has the Spear lost its legs Mummy. My son wants to know if you’ve lost your legs? No, I never had any legs, I usually get about by flying at supersonic speed. Flying, wow that’s handy, what was that about soup and tonic? It sounds awful. No, I said supersonic. Is that a drink? No, let’s start afresh.
I am a Burning Spear, Mark 6 (the latest version) my serial number is 45655566565B/6. Can you help me please, I seem to have undone my programming. In what way can we be of service? Well, there is a small hole just below my blade. I had a special little gadget that came with my maintenance kit, which incidentally was beautifully packed in a special little box with a shaped foam compartment for each item, that is used to push into that hole to return me to factory settings. But obviously I don’t carry that about with me on mission. You can use the end of an unbent paper clip, if you have one about your person.
Can I use this pin from my hair, that will do nicely.
She pushed the pin into the reset facet and the flames died away. Then the Burning Spear rose into the air and flew straight up for one hundred, then it turned blade down and came down fast, so that it buried its blade deep on the ground. A muffled voice said, that went well.
Shall we take it home mummy, it’s not very sensible. No darling we can’t go taking unbalanced weapons of war home, anything could happen. Perhaps it could help with the cooking or in the garden. Do you have a vegetable chopping and dicing function Mr Spear. I don’t think so, but I have been provided with spare hard drive capacity and a learning function so I expect I could be taught. Fine, then come home with us and help in the kitchen whilst you regain your equilibrium, is that something to do with a horse, not unless you are on one, no, it is really just a nice word for balance.
The Burning Spear accompanied the family to their home, a charming cottage with double glazed windows which echoed the original design. It consumed an online cookery course for three days and nights straight and then took over in the kitchen, providing quality, nutritious meals for the family. Its ability to cut vegetables at speed was astonishing. It also became very sophisticated at seasoning and specialized in fusion dishes, cleverly marrying styles and ingredients from cultures on different ends of the planet, though no one knew why.
The mother and father of the child, who had discovered the ailing Spear, found herself with much more spare time, now that he didn’t have to do all the cooking. She was able to complete a course in politics and philosophy. She spent more quality time with other members of his wider family group. Took up writing novels and began to learn the banjo. In due course she became involved with a charity for re-homing the homeless which was funded by the Darkest Knight Charity which had its headquarters and main hostel in the great city of Az.
The Burning Spear eventually decided to open a restaurant called the Choice Cut.
The Guardians of the Cave 