On the last asteraid to be visited.
Sidle up, left a bit, right a bit, forwards, forward. All stop. Anchors away. Reef the mainsail and clear the decks. The Great ship Jelly came to call.
Here the Geographer sat at a table, with a great atlas open in his front. Coffee cup.
In the atlas was made mention of the highest, the widest, the wettest, the hottest, the longest and all the others ests that went to describe the crumpled surface of the asteroid. With lists and graphs, migration patterns and weather predictions. Then, in a work of sheer, they were linked together by direction and distance, to provide a comprehensive comprehension of everywhere that one might need. Unfortunately, as the aster was only three quarters of a kilomometere long and shaped like a peanut shell, there were few features of note, and no surface water or alternative liquid features at all. There was no atmosphere and so you could not hear a pin drop. No atmosphere, so no wind, no weather in any pattern, humidity or precipitation, in fact nothing to laugh at at all.
There were no wildebeests to migrate, nor swallows to return across continents, indeed no continents. No crocs in rivers waiting, nor men with guns hiding in trees to prove their manhood, by blasting small birds out the sky.
Just wondering why you bother? asked the Captain, upon being shown the great blank pages.
Well, said the Geographer warming to his subject, One day soon, a mining ship will arrive, all mechanized arms and dynamite or might not, and begin digging holes here and just over there, in an attempt to become incredibly. I have measured and discovered that this asterim is fashioned from the semi frozen slush which gathers at the roadside when it has been snowing, and several lorries have passed. The water content alone is of interest, although it will need a bit of sweetening and brackish water filter before feeding the thirsty.
Now, continued the Geographer, this may seem useless to the passing astroperson, but no, in fact, this is just the kind of slushy mess that is needed on the moon for extraction, or on mars to aid in the agronomy of mars, which is in dire need of liquid refreshment. Also, the common or hydroponic moononauts, tychonauts, cosmonauts and all the other auts, (If you get to live in space, you should just be called an aut) anyway, the moon auts are in great need of watery lumps and various gritty minerals to fuel their low gravity manufacturing plants that 3d print anything and everything out of stuff.
Well, said the Captain of the Jelly ship, that is very, a very exciting future. Would it not be more useful to list the manner and contents in your pages. I could ask she Sphinx to snap your asterim in half, to reveal its makeup and internal character and structure. She could replace the broken parts, to make all as good as new, with two-part filler and gaffer tape. Or alternatively I could get the Hoi Polio to encircle, holding space suit gloved hands, I’m sure there should be enough to go round, they seem to be almost infinite. I’m sure they’ve multiplied since we started this voyage of discovery.
It is the natural way of the Hoi Polio, said she Sphinx quietly, saint Jeff knows.
You could then measure the bounty of your slushy rocks in units of HP (Hoi Poloi) which I believe is now an industry standard.
Possibly, said the Geographer, is the HP measurement a decimal system?
No, said the Captain, due to an ever-expanding population, there are thirteen HP to the bus load and twenty-five bus loads to the arena. A handy system one you’ve learnt your thirteen times table.
I think I’ll leave it for now, said the Geographer, and just doodle on the corner of the atlas until the mining corporation comes and claims that I have no rights at all and tows the whole thing off into the light, thanks anyway.
As you wish, said the Captain, Well, we best be on our way. There is certainly no room for new accommodation of mixed sizes with the necessary amenity, school, hospitals, boulangerie, wi fi generator etc. on this tiny slush rock, (which just happens to be the next fashion in popular music). So, we will go looking for something a bit more spacious, possibly with a beautiful rose.
The Guardians of the Cave 