Lower your shoulders when standing at the drinks station, wriggle your shoulders, relax. Am I the only one? Is it only me?
The next planet appeared, neon signs pointing towards this and that, nothing to repair or wake up the duty-free officer with does and don’ts. At the security gates, high and black with pointy bits above, the Hoi Poloi were searched for illicit mind-bending substances. Coffee, alcohol, life-threatening sedatives and vaping paraphernalia were confiscated at source. Four legged detectives sniffed here and there playfully.
Arms up, pat pat pat? Feet on the outlines, My feet aren’t that big, excuse me. Do you have any whisky, cigarettes, sedatives, dopey drugs or penicillin? The list of illegals here is endless and changes every day. These are all prohibited items here. Have you, or anyone you know, ever been drunk? Have you entered a bar or other illicit drug dealer’s compendium, containing caffeine or nicotine? Have you ever felt lightheaded or euphoric after imbibing? If so, admit it now and your sentence will be reduced to a few words.
A sign above asked questions, Did you unpack it yourself? Of course you did. Did you imagine that a stranger knocked at the door and said I’ll pay you a million if you let me unpack your holiday clothing and device muti chargers, so that I can smuggle this bottle of pop into the planetary system.
Does your portable sock draw include any sharp socks or underwear that could be used to cut down the rainforest.
She Sphinx stayed on the good ship Jelly as she could not fit through the metal detector and needed time for tail management and mane care.
The Captain, though, entered freely into the celebrated Dive Bar and sat upon a stool awaiting attention. Eventually she was served by a humanoid, posing as a robotic waitress.
What can I get you? I’d like a double please. A double what? A drink consisting of two equal parts? Let’s call it a Large, Well, said the Captain, give me a Large of your finest. Oh, and a bowl of salted nuts and bolts on the side please.
The waitress poured an amount of fruity juice into a cocktail glass and garnished it with some icy lumps, an unshakeable flower and a sprinkling of chocolate crumb.
Do you have any mind-altering drinks, smokes or potions available? asked the Captain, I’ve had a hard day and find a stiff dose of relaxing vermouth just the ticket.
I’m afraid not, said the waitress, brain chemistry is a touchy subject around here since the head honcho overdosed on caffeine and had to have his ears waxed.
You can get good quality heroin and cocaine at the corner shop, but it is hellish expensive. The price depends on the medics world view and pharmaceutical adhesion.
No wonder the Hoi Polio are looking lost, said the Captain, they tend to like to self-administer recreational substances to relax after a long voyage.
Won’t happen on this asteroid, said the robo waitress, Our brains are as pristine as the day they came off the shelf. Mine is so shiny you can see it from across the great divide. The only addiction that is permitted is vaping, but strictly no nicotine and no flavouring. Clouds of clouds only, escaping car windows and office blocks.
Ah, vaping, said the Captain, flickering her multi vision to access the data banks, Invented by the Egyptians of course. A golden vape was found in the tomb of King Tuttle the famous, grasped in his paw within the rolls of bandaging and unguents dismissed. Seems to have come back into fashion. It is said that it was only by the distribution of free cloud vapes that the pyramids got built at all. It is not known how so much cloudy material was gathered, and how on earth they got it into those tiny vapes. I must enquire of she Sphinx as she was in evidence before, during and after.
I must say that I’m disappointed with this asteroid, mused the Captain, I’m glad she Sphinx didn’t accompany, as she is fond of mind expansion. The neon signage had excited my interest, but it belied the boredom found. I shall lead the Hoi Polio over the parapet, brave no man’s land and scarper to the next asteroid in line, number 226 I believe.
The Guardians of the Cave 