The Interrogator

This Catalyst search is tricky, said Constance to Catonine, I wish that the Interrogator had given us a few clues.

Why don’t you enquire, said Catonine, I can make you a catalyst but cannot advise you on the character or nature, the height, width and depth shall be of your design alone.

Excuse me Mr interrogator, spoke Constance, Can you tell me what manner of catalyst might change the very troublesome nature of humanity? How tall should it be and does it contain moving parts?

Sit still and keep your hands where I can see them, said the Interrogator, snapping his mighty jaws, Now, reveal to me everything that you know, or this enquiry will not go well for you.

Everything? Asked Constance, Surely that would take a very lengthy session. Could you narrow it down a bit, I haven’t got all day. By the way you have the left leg of a wildebeest stuck between your teeth.

OK, just tell me the things that I need to know. Where are your troops and with what are they armed? What is the best recipe for a vegetable soup? What is the code that you use to send secret messages? Is it true that lemon juice can be used as invisible ink? Leave my teeth out of this. I was wondering where leg went, how can you tell that it’s the left leg?

Some things I even hide from myself, said Constance with a sigh, Where to start.

Well, sometimes I pretend that I am leading a great army, but in reality I am just a lone knight, riding on a great war horse, carrying my banner on a lance and supporting all manner of vicious armament.  

In the way of secrets, I do know how to open a puzzle cube and negotiate the maze without cheating and breaking through the slightly sparse hedge. May I ask where is the greater part of the unfortunate wildebeest? I can see it’s the left leg by the way it dances.

The Interrogator lashed his scaled tail from side, causing a small landslide of tinned goods. Elucidate the secrecy and ignore the wildebeest’s whereabouts, he said, I didn’t know that wildebeests can dance, you have witnessed?

OK, said Constance, I do have a few secrets, but first I would know with what I am threatened should I refuse to reveal them. And yes, I have seen the grand dances of the wildebeests as they celebrate the coming of the rains.

I have many and several tools in my interrogatory toolbox, said the Interogator, indicating a large, scuffed plastic box by his ankle. I usually start with a very stern look, coinciding with some brooding silences. Sometimes I read out a list of interesting things, what is their favourite fruit, can they whistle, that sort of thing, about the subject to show that they are transparent to me. If that fails, I might subject them to a truth serum, which is just orange juice really, but you would be surprised at how many subjects unburden themselves under the impression that they have been drugged and therefore have no choice.

If these harsh measures don’t have any effect, I do a sketch of their face with a very big nose and ears. I threaten to pin copies on the notice board at their place of work. Next, I do the shouting thing, but I try not to swear and then offer them a hot drink which never arrives. Delicious looking pastries are consumed in front of them and then of course there is always the famed comfy cushion.

The integrator slithered delicately into the water at Constance’s feet. Only his eyes, nostrils and the knobbly ridge along his back showed above the parapet.

Under the water, where the Interrogator’s wheels spun, the view was very murky. Inquisitive seals swum up to the lens and bumped it with their whiskery snout. I don’t remember if she was my friend, it was a long time ago. Bits of giant kelp float in the shafts of light. I’m sure that I left my sword here somewhere, I shall look in the cloister.

Under a giant log with a rusting handrail attached, once used as a gorge bridge in a semi famous movie of the same name, the remains of a wildebeest were stashed. The Interrogator swam down and stayed on the floor for a very long time in embarrassment.

I don’t think this interrogator knows his tail from his snout, said Constance to Catonine, I shall beg the Stars in all their glory for their help.