Bears on a Train, a new film starring, Samuel Q, sequel to Stakes on a Plane, and prequel to Bats in the Belfry. Samuel Q is Samuel L’s distant, Samuel L was not available.
The Bears, unable to buy train tickets due to a banking crisis, had sequestered themselves in the overhead lockers.
Samuel, our hero, enters the train and stows his large suitcase in the rack provided, by the opening, then closing, then opening again, doors.
Taking only his shoulder bag, with snack, consisting of small unidentified fruit in a plastic fortress and bottle of recycled and coloured water in a hi tech container which assesses the surrounding humidity and then sends an email when it thinks drinking is a good idea. He sits down in an empty, facing what he thinks is forwards, but often soon turns out to be backwards.
The train, mostly empty, except for a few standard innocent characters that we might meet in depth henceforth, draws ponderously out of the station. The camera woman lets the camera linger on the wheels slowly gaining speed and the director wishes that they were filming in the era of steam.
The Bear family, in number, Ursula, her partner Ursa Major and their progeny, Ursa Minor, had all fallen asleep. Which considering the rigours of their journey, all the way over the mountain, dodging the border drones, was not surprising.
Sub section: Ursa Minor’s Dream
Ursa M sits, in the dream, surrounded by salmon flipping and sliding on the rocky surface. The parents are nearby in an undefined place, but definitely near enough to be comforting.
Ursa M reaches out to catch a salmon, but it flips away. He tries another, but again it manages to slap its tail out of reach. Ursa Minor reaches out as far as possible, his claws just shy of the scintillating salmon skin, which catches the light in all the colours, but mostly purple and green. He reaches just a little too far, and falls out of the overhead locker into the seat beside Samuel Q.
Samuel Q, a seasoned campaigner in the school of sudden events, turns, languid and slightly comically non plussed, to behold the young bear.
Can I help you, says Samuel, you seem to have fallen from the sky.
Ursa Minor, acting in his first professional drama, rights himself and assumes an air of nonchalance. I’m fine, he says, I’m just wondering if you have seen my parents? I seem to have mislaid them.
Did you leave them in the sky? If so, they are probably still there. Where are you travelling to?
A salmon farm in Scotland, said Ursa Minor proudly. My parents are fisheries consultants.
Is a Scottish loch a suitable eco system to maintain a Bear? asked Samual Q, genuinely interested.
We will need, a thousand hectares of unsullied mixed woodlands, preferably interspersed with unpolluted lakes and salmon rivers, with waterfalls and eagles wearing white trousers. Berries of all kinds, but only in season, none imported from Peru, too many berry miles. Undergrowth that covers our tracks and tracks in the undergrowth. The availability of an uninhabited cave which we can use as a comfy hibernation spot would be very welcome. The summer is closing, and we will have need ere the sun sleeps. And an Y box playful station to keep me out of trouble. Replied Ursa Minor.
Then the loch sounds ideal, said Samuel, I believe the woodland is rewilded and primeval all at once.
The train passengers, a motley crew if ever, felt that they were being overlooked in the story line and left for a more rounded disaster movie.
The train made a horrible fuss, wheels sliding and things a bit haywire in the carriages just to let us know where we are.
Tickets please! Came the cry from the next carriage.
We have no tickets, said Ursa Minor in peril, we will be returned to Start without passing Go and we have come such a long way. She sighed a great sigh.
Samuel Q, grabbing his casement of fresh fruit, said, Quick gather your parents and follow me.
The four fugitives made their way to the end of the carriage and opened the last door, which is obviously not possible in a normal train, due to health and all that. A swaying and jumping landscaped raced by at a dizzying speed.
Quick, up this ladder, lay down and crawl along the roof, Shouted Samuel over the loud wind, I will signal the helidrone.
The Bears did as they were and soon found themselves on the roof of the train, wind whistling through their fur. A grand helidrone arrived, lowering a rope ladder at a windy angle into the path of their crawl.
I must say that our refugee voyage has not panned out as I expected, thought Ursula grabbing the lowest rung and helping Ursa Minor up onto the bucking ladder.
All aboard just in time as the train disappeared into a darkened room and the helidrone swung away to starboard carrying its precious Bears and Samuel Q.
The helidrone took them away wrapped in silver foil sheets for effect, all the way to the forest, which was north of south and just east of west.
And there they live to this day.
The Guardians of the Cave 