Crash Test

Constance, on following her quest for Joy in a diligent fashion, found herself enclosed in a world of black and white. Even the white bits were black. She traveled onwards hoping to come clear, but in the darkness a storm arrived, whirling around, and she was struck upon the helm by a flying avocado, luckily, she was wearing her helmet against this exact, which is always good practice. When she awoke the next, all the colours were alive with the sound of music, she looked at this new place and knew it not.

I must return to the City of Az, the lonely sea and the sky, she thought, for reorientation and realignment of these stars which circulate so freely about. Then she set off along the colourful path with encouragement. As she passed through a built-up area of factories, storage depots and research facilities, she heard a noise like Psst. She turned to see a head peeping out from behind a corrugated container.

Can you help me, said the head, which had the contours of a face, but no eyes marked, and three black and yellow markers adjoined. One on the forehead and one on each of the temple steps.

Can you help me, I must escape before the day is done, the Testers are in pursuit.

Certainly, young Crash Test Body, come out and I will furnish you with some disguising dark glasses and a flowing cape which might cover a multitude. This ruse will buy us enough time for you to relate the meaning and import of this escaping lark. I shall also strip away these markers upon your brow, as they are very noticeable and may alert the searchers to your identity card. She carefully pocketed the magical markers for later description.

When Constance and her new acquaintance had passed out of the commercial zone, successfully delivered from several check points, with sombre threatening people asking tricky questions, like who, why and wherefore art thou, until they sat in a field of potatoes to compare notes.

How are your notes? My notes are fine, how are yours?

So, encouraged Constance, tell me the why and the how of all this.

Well, said the escapee, I awakened from nowhere into darkness. I have no eyes, although strangely, I understand the concept of ‘Seeing’ There were about me in that darkness of a storage compartment, others of my kind, who had been sentient for a good length more. They told me that I was the latest model of test bodies, and that soon I would fulfill my purpose and be broken and bent in the testing of some supersonic or suborbital vehicle, solely for the gathering of data. Well, I was instantly terrified, as you may imagine, but my compadres said it was all just a bit of fun and could actually be quite exciting. I deferred and said that I was not temperamentally suited to this calling and that I must escape the cold clutches of the Testers. They helped me to escape the building by getting the guard drunk and asking for the release keys. One of my newfound friends offered to drink her under the table beneath the overhanging tablecloth, which she did. Alcohol has no effect on us at all, as we do not possess the where withal. So now I must escape further. My ultimate goal is to find some eyes that I might appreciate the wonder and become a poet. I feel that I am now uniquely placed to pass lyrical comment and commentary upon the world as my beginning is still recent and my eyes will be freshly opened, when I acquire them.

Wow, said Constance, I feel that it is my duty to help. I shall pause my quest for Joy and take you along the colourful path to the city of Az, where my friend and co-worker, Sheba, the Doctor of Az, might furnish some eye type equipment or visualisation data. As to becoming a poet, I applaud your ambition, but be aware that mere ambition cannot replace hard work and practice.

Well, that is very kind, said the CTB, do you mind if I take your arm as we go, I keep bumping into things. I shall prepare a sonnet to celebrate my journey from the dark into the light. I shall publish it for peer review and take on board any positive feedback.

Unknown to Constance and the Poet, the markers which had found in her saddle bag were trackable by laser and packet boat. Containing as they did cryogenic super silicon chips and other salted snacks. Now the Testers might follow their journey upon a screen with snow falling. They would send out an armed and patient Dragon Drone in deadly pursuit. The Dragon Drone consisted in the main of scaly wings, whirling parts, sharp destruction and flammable breath in cases of incineration.

And so we arrive on the scene where Constance is leading the CTD along the colourful road towards Az. The Dragon Drone catches up in a forest, diving in fast from above, it escalates its high heat programme for a crispy bake. As the flaming drone begins its run, a figure leaps out the underbrush and takes the full flaming force of the Dragon Drone, shielding the cowering Constance and CTD. Then in thrilling denouement, the mystery figure crushes the drone with a bang.

Wow, said Constance, that was exciting. And you are?