The trees were upset, not happy at all. No trees to see here! they cried. Don’t look, I’m not ready, It’s not your turn yet. Hold on a minute, go to the end of the queue, have a heart. What’s on the menu? Is that today’s special? I always have the special, at least you can be sure it’s made fresh. Quick catch it, it’s getting away. I was here first.
The Blue Knight and Diamond, walking, sitting a while, looking down at the Chest of Sadness, glowing with potency. Walking again in between, in the gap or opening into the wild forest where there are no rules or regs.
Ok, so here we go, thought the Blue Knight,
He entered and became a little apprehensive, I’m right behind you, said the 4 of Diamonds.
Trip me up, whack me in the face when you walk through the thicket first and the branch swipes back in my face, again. Thank you very much, said the Diamond.
If we were looking for something in the forest, we could never find it. Maybe some keys that we dropped or something in a tin that had been put away. Of course, there is always a rabbit.
Umbra, pen, birds thunder in the mists. I shall remember the light where all the creatures, (except the ones who like the dark, which, now that I think of it, are quite numerous) should be content, thought the BK, to bolster his spirits. I shall see the tree there and walk past. The tree will be in front of me like a wall, then, I shall walk to the side and forwards once more. The tree will be at my side, dark and massive, looming over me and up into the darkness of the canopy. Then I will walk on, and the tree will be behind me and all the other trees about me will have a renewed respect.
But then the tree will appear in front of me once more and I shall become disorientated and discouraged, said the BK in confusion. What?
Me too, said the Diamond, When I pass the tree, it seems to reappear in my face. How shall we prepare? Shall I spin around so that so that the tree cannot predict our passage? Shall we walk sideways into the gloom using a handy mirror over our shoulders or travel with our eyes closed?
Or maybe it’s a different tree and just looks the same.
After some time, dancing around trees, they noticed a tree door. Let us enter, our progress has been pitiful.
They knocked, all polite.
What! Came a voice, I’m busy!
Can you help us, we need guidance, called the BK. We are lost! Called the Diamond from further.
Ok, come in then, said the voice.
They entered to see a woman in a suit, sitting at a desk behind a plastic window, typing intently at a laptop.
We would like to pass through the trees please, said the BK.
Papers! Barked the woman without looking up. Identity papers, three passport size photos, proof of residence, bank statements, shoe size, criminal record, driving license and marriage certificates, if you are married, of course.
We are not married, said the Diamond.
Well, singles certificates then, said the woman finally looking up, certificates, attestations, employment record, exam certificates, genealogy, inheritance tax, blood type and hat colour.
The BK rifled through his satchel and pulled out a sheaf of papers. They should be all there, he said, putting the papers through the aperture in the plastic panel.
What about you, the woman said to the Diamond. Oh, no I don’t need them, said the Diamond, I’m completely fictional.
OK then, said the woman, let me check, she flicked through the BK’s paperwork, seems to be in order. So, you want to pass through the trees. Heading for mount Fume I assume? They all do.
Yes, said the BK and the Diamond in unison and looked at each other.
Bonfire of the woes is it? She said, eying them suspiciously.
The BK shewed unto her the outer box. A whole box of woes, she said in surprise, you have been busy. Anyway, here is your ticket, go down the hallway to the stores and collect your map. Only one between the two of you I’m afraid. We are not made of money.
The BK and the Diamond received their digital map machine and scrutinised the blue lines of the wriggling paths that they must. Five minutes shorter that way.
Oh, I see it now, said the BK, one must wriggle to pass through. Got it.
What are you on about, said the Diamond. Just follow me, said the BK and they went. Wriggling.
The Guardians of the Cave 