Constance, the Sphinx and the Knight Owl, having regained consciousness after the Christmas celebrations, looked out a high window in the chateau. It is cold, said Constance, pulling the tablecloth that she had found herself in tighter about her shoulders. Is it? Said the Sphinx, it is not often that I find myself pleased to be made of stone. Yes, there is a cold wind, said The Knight Owl, I shall Fight the Liar. Don’t you mean light the fire? asked Constance. No, today I must Fight the Liar, there is a person here by who is a perennial and persistent liar. I have warned time and time, but to no avail. My final warn has passed and now I must fulfill and follow through my warns and make fight with the Liar.
I see it, said the Sphinx, we shall be your cheerers and hold your coat. I wish I was wearing one, said the Knight Owl shivering, come, I must to arms. By the way, what became of that Burning Spear you launched. No idea, but I was aware that the mark 6 model is prone to programming glitches. It never returned anyway. Shame, I was excited, me too.
In the armour room she doffed her crimson gowns and covered with mail and strapped on armour entire. Hefting a spear most long and sharp with sword upon her hip and long dagger strapped at back, she sallied forth upon the dueling ground with dust devils about her footprints.
A man came to the dueling ground, but said he wasn’t there, he said he didn’t care. She told him to take care, she told him to beware, she laid the bright truths bare. He tried to light a flare. She gave an icy stare, eyes hard as granite. He spoke into the air, it wasn’t very fair, he said and ate a prickly pear. It was a strange affair, to see them standing there. She hit him with the flat of a fact and he fell over or dived.
The liar had huge hair but was bald. He was rich in everything that was unimportant. I am king of the world; bang went the truth upon his helm.
When he came to, he took it to the vet, he didn’t have a pet, he once lived in Tibet. It hadn’t happened yet. The jelly wouldn’t set.
The Liar’s poem
They traded insults at dawn, shots in the mist, sharp stick thrust, slap on the back, chuck under chin, elbow in the ribs, rap on the knuckles, and the classic stab in the back. They used short sword, long sword, broad sword, broad sheet, epee and sabre, morning star, shooting star, axe, and cooking knife. Dagger, dirk, skien doo, penknife, and wood chisel. Pick up rock, back flip with kick, frown, throw things, tangle the feet, pinion the arms, sit on, roundhouse punch, cutter up, jab.
Ouch, said the Liar, I will never lie again.
You’re lying, said the Knight Owl
That’s true, said the Liar.
Impasse, pact, agreement. Agree to differ. Common ground, equal spacing, fall of empire, tight situation.
The Knight owl gave up being reasonable and tied the Liar up with a tie and put him in a deep dungeon to waste away. It had an ensuite with a walk-in shower, a wonderful view of the surrounding hills and on Wednesday he was served chicken a l’orange, an unusual local speciality involving crusty pastry and root veg with very little salt. The décor was gothic revival, bordering on baroque, which invaded his dreams and set his teeth on edge. The bedding, grey silk with his initial, L, embroidered at the corner, was changed regularly by the butler, a man they called Sven whose name was Charlie.
Let us strike an agreement, come to a compromise, and seal an oath suggested the Knight Owl and then I can release you from this hell hole. OK, said the Liar, I can’t take much more of this décor.
How then shall we find a place between my facts and your fiction. Asked the Knight Owl, or must we get to buffeting once more.
No, no, I am tired of the evasions and deceit, said the Liar, I shall become a novelist and leave all my conceits upon the page. Let us agree that I shall only make lies upon paper, and you will cease your buffeting but also commit to reading my output and passing fair comment thereon.
Done deal, sighed the Knight Owl, high five, I am tired of the buffet and bruise myself, come let us drink a toast to the fact and the fiction. Let us agree to keep them in different draws of the cabinet.
They sat together, Constance leaning against the stone flank of the Sphinx and the Knight Owl and the Liar holding their glass of wine, Mille Neuf Cent Sept, in oath and agree most cordial.
We must be gone away, spoke Constance in final, I must to find my love Vivainne who is not here but in my heart.
And I also, spoke the Sphinx, my heart maybe of stone manufactured but it belongs to Sheba, chief scientist at the Motaic power system. I must converse with her concerning the new development in her experiment on Confusion Power which may yet save us all including the frogs, large toady ones and little yellow ones far away.
Constance and The Sphinx left the next on the recharged hovering mat, (there was a recharge point at the Knight Owl’s Chateau), after many hug and friendship, goodbye, goodbye, see you soon.
The Guardians of the Cave 